in 2005 my father gave me a book called “the chinese art of winning”. it is based on the writings of sun tzu’s “the art of war”, which is about ancient chinese forms of strategy and manipulation. on the inside of the front cover he wrote:
i am giving you a copy of a book i have found very instructive, with the knowledge and fear that if you read the thing, you could rule the world.
seven years later, i have obviously not pulled a napoleon, but because of this book i have had success in practically everything. aka: everything i touch turns to gold. (well not really, but go with me here)
i will be sporadically posting this wisdom so you too can control anything you want. in fact, i’ll start right now. you can thank me later.
it’s as easy as 1, 2, 3
according to the chinese there are three steps you need to take to be a winner every time. these are:
1. strengthen yourself
chinese example: stratagem 1 — a good horse runs by itself
in other words: be independent or as independent as humanly possible!! this include asking for favors… if you owe somebody something, they control you, get it?! letting other people control you is a big no-no. don’t ever put yourself into a position where someone else can have power over you.
real life example: do not live with your slimy mother-in-law. she will ruin your life, and by this i mean sex life. trust.
2. weaken your opponent
stratgem 49— slaughter the chicken to frighten the monkey
aka: you don’t have to directly go after your enemy or opponent. if you need to send a warning out to someone who is messing with you often times you can make yourself perfectly clear by doing throwing your weight around inadvertently.
real life example: your frienemy is getting satisfaction from over-sharing your less-than-flattering moments from last friday night. you smile and say: oh yes, jenny. we always have so much fun. remember that time in college you got drunk and binge ate pho at 2am and then barfed all over your then-boyfriend? i think i still have those pictures. let’s start a fb album of our adventures! (retarded girl giggle/eye blink) enough said, she’ll get the hint.
3. develop yourself
chinese example: stratagem 101— brush the dust from the gown
aka: fake it til you make it! in order to be #1, you have to look like #1.
real life example: if you are not genetically gifted, get handy with that photoshop. if you’re depressed, stop with the whiny status updates and smile god damnit. it won’t kill you.
bottom line: if you can master the art of manipulation you can be the master of your own universe. period, end of story. and these chinese guys kind of know what they are talking about.
that’s it for now, grasshopper.
check back later for more wisdom.
now go forth and be a winner!